So i no i haven't written in a little while but the news i have is going to make up for it! I've also been looking for some inspiration to write. Lately my life has been in the gutter dealing with my ex boyfriend and his drama, But i have finally found my inspiration and i am so excited to tell you all about her. Yes that's right i said her! On Thursday, May 19th i found out i was pregnant with my very own baby girl!!!!!!!!!!! She is perfect in every way, it's unbelievable. On the ultrasound she had all her organs growing properly and all her bones are healthy and getting stronger. She's stubborn like her mommy though haha. She kept kicking the ultrasound wand off of my belly and she had her legs crossed the whole time. I was going to pee my pants... Literally ha you have no idea how full my bladder was. I swear i peed a river afterwards. Anyways getting back to the point, I ended up getting so frustrated and basically told the doctor i waited so long for this, I was not leaving until i new what i was having .

The last time i had an ultrasound she was the size of a jellybean...and now she was the whole width of my belly. I had no idea how special a moment like that could be, since this is my first child (and hopefully last haha). It was crazy to see how much she grew. I really wanted to stay there and look at her forever. But since they would have kicked me out eventually, I settled for feeling her kick me all the time, which i have to say is the most amazing feeling in the world! I am naming her Peyton Athena (First name, Middle name) and she is going to be the most beautiful baby on this planet! I can't wait to hold her in my arms. It's funny the whole time i was waiting for the ultrasound now i just want her out so i can cuddle her. My godmother bought her a swing already and a little bouncy chair and my sister in law game me 250 diapers yay! Can't wait to change those ha! Anyways it's getting late now and i am so tierd. I will try to find inspiration more often, should be easy since i have her. Goodnight all

I DARE YOU!

Good Morning:) I have a special surprise for you today. You know sometimes people just need to start fresh in there lives and I've been slowly doing that these past couple of months. The first choice i made that changed my life was to keep my baby. The second was to get out of a bad relationship. The third was to move away from my hometown and start a new life and fourth i now have cut my bangs!!!! And although your probably saying "I cut my hair all the time, what's the big deal?" The big deal is that i haven't changed my hair style in 6 YEARS!

I was so afraid to move on from the life i had made for myself, i couldn't even cut my hair...I no it's sad but i think the reason i hate change so much is because when you have something in your life so consistent that it's almost like a security blanket, and when that's taken away you feel like you've lost a piece of something so familiar....well that's how i feel anyways. So today has been very scary but very refreshing at the same time. Doing you hair and makeup the same way for 6 years is a long time and when you finally decide to change it feels like a huge weight has been lifted off.

When i cut the first piece i wanted to cry, i was almost hyperventilating hahah, but afterwards i looked at myself and i felt prettier and fresh and more confident, like i could save the world haha. Then your so afraid to show that your different to the people around you. Then when you hear the compliments your ego skyrockets haha. So i guess what this entry is for is to show you my new hair...but also to tell you not to be afraid to change for the good, you'll be surprised at the reactions you get. Just make sure if you don't know how to cut your hair...you go to a professional hahah. I dare you to make a change:D

The Morning After

Good morning, another blog here. Today i'm start fresh and no more negative thinking for me...(Let's see how long this lasts haha). So its super nice out today and bright and sunny. I love summer i'm so excited to get out and swim and go to the beach and eat ice-cream!!!! Who doesn't love ice-cream right...especially a pregnant chick haha.

 I had a dream last night and in my dream i left my purse with all my important stuff in it at a bus booth. Not smart i no but it was a dream. Anyways i went shopping and when i got to the cash i realized i had no money to pay for the stuff. I rushed back to the bus stop praying that my purse would be untouched and my identity would be safe. I didn't really care about the money but i new if somebody got there hands on my social insurance number and my Medicare card i would be so screwed. So as i ran towards the bus stop i seen a grey thing sitting on the bench where i left my purse, my heart was racing and as i got closer i could see that my purse was there. I was so happy that nobody had touched it. It was right where i left it...or so i thought. When i got up to it i opened my purse up and everything was gone. Obviously i was mad, but the thing that actually made me really sad was the fact that somebody went threw all the trouble to steal everything inside and put it back like it wasn't even touched. I thought to myself why they couldn't have just took the hole bag. Then i realized that they enjoyed knowing they caused some poor person to have there hopes up and then they were crushed all at the same time.

It made me sad that a person could be so cruel and even though it was just a dream, the human race is more cruel and vicious then any other animal on this earth. The lion waits for its prey until they are unaware that they are being hunted and then it strikes....but they do it because they need to eat. They don't taunt the animal for there enjoyment. We as humans do...we like to see others suffer,especially when we aren't having the greatest day. Somebody else's pain give us enjoyment. The difference between us and the lion is that we consiously know what we are doing, they do it to survive. I know i said no more negative stuff...but in a sense i'm just trying to figure out the worlds messed up way of running and the complexity of the human brain and what makes us tick. I'm going to try and be a better person, so that when my daughter/son is born they will realize the world if full of bad people, but that doesn't mean you have to follow what everybody does. You can be different, i just hope my child grows up to be independent and enjoy's being different from the rest of the world. That would be my dream for them, to just know that you don't have to be a follower and that i grew up happy that i was different and weird and my own person. Because if we are all alike...it's kind of like were all robots isn't it?

There's Always a First

So i guess i should write a blog haha. So at this very moment i am quite excited that i have a blog. I've always wanted one...just never got around to making one. What's been going is going to be a very long story so i will try to make it as short as possible. So i am 18 years old, i am 4 months pregnant...well technically i'm 19 weeks and i pee very frequently haha. How i got pregnant you ask? Hmm that's where the story gets very long. Basically i thought i was in love, turns out not so much. I won't name names just because i don't want to involve him to much in my blog...yea...like that's going to happen, I'm only pregnant with his child haha. So let's just call him THE EX!!! Dun dun dun. He kind of sucks and thinks that he basically owns me, which he doesn't! I am the only one that can tell me what to do ha! Anyways he's an asshole because ever since i broke up with him he's been like stalking my friends trying to find out what I've been doing, which is really creepy considering the fact that my friends think he's a total weirdo and they're always asking me what his deal is...seriously DON'T ASK ME! If i new the answer to that i probably wouldn't be sooooooo stressed out. Sometime i feel bad for the guy, then i think of everything that's wrong with him and erase any pity i have for him in my mind.

Before i got pregnant i was...what you would call a Party Animal. Yea i liked to be single have fun and be free from guy drama. I had alot of friends that i was really close to and was always out of the house. Now i feel as if though my identity is disappearing. Ever since i got pregnant it's like people don't want you around so much....especially when there getting trashed. I went from being the life of the party....to being the buzz-kill pregnant girl that nobody wants around. So most of the time i'm stuck in the house getting bigger and bigger while my "friends" enjoy the beginning of summer. I'm excited to have a child though and even though sometimes i wish that i could still be a carefree 18 year old, i'm not and i am trying my hardest to be selfless for my unborn child. It's just hard sometimes, especially when you feel all alone. Like one side of me says hey it's only 9 months of being pregnant and bored and then i get a little baby that i can love forever. Then the other side of me says well why don't you get to go out and have any fun! Why can't i be the type of person without a heart who gets the abortion and doesn't think twice about it....but i'm not, i care to much about the life inside me to be a murderer, just to be able to have a couple drinks.

Life really sucks sometimes and good people are always judged for there choices. I'm just trying to go one more day without breaking down. That's why I've made this blog...just hoping that my life and the hard decisions i'm going threw at this point in my life can help others who might be going threw the same thing. Because honestly what's the point of living if you don't feel, the good, the bad and the ugly and how do we learn from our mistakes without making them in the first place. So if you read this comment,weather they are negative or not this is my life and now it's out in the open for the world to see...